Joy Boost #2: The "Man, I Was Sick" Edition
Also, THE BEST JEANS. Mic drop.
Hi!! Oh, I missed you!
I’ve been absent and here and there because, real talk, I’ve been sick for almost nine months.
It started with a really bad round of Covid back in late August, which lead to serious steroids and not being able to breathe for several months, which lead to an asthma diagnosis, which lead to more steroids and undiagnosed thrush, which lead to several rounds of strep, and finally a GERD diagnosis, which is all SOOOOO BORING, but also SOOO TIME-CONSUMING.
I basically napped, cried, rallied, went to doctors, and did the bare minimum for months and months. If I haven’t answered your text or email, it’s not because I don’t love you, it’s because I have been getting through.
But, you know I love a good lesson, and here’s the biggie these last months have taught me: I AM NOT THAT IMPORTANT.
I’ve spent the majority of my life believing if I stopped for even a nanosecond, civilization as we know it would fall apart. You all would be living in a land of missed opportunities for fun, PTA meetings without an agenda, and a backlog of unrealized feelings.
My kids would descend into late night, marathon Minecraft sessions, fueled by Sour Patch Kids and broken morals. They’d never learn how to multiply, would use the wrong fork with their salad, and blame me for their inability to do the worm at weddings.
My husband would resort to fixing beans for dinner every night, which tells you how far off the rails my thinking had gone because he does ALL OF THE COOKING ALREADY. Also, he only eats the fancy Heinz beans so no one’s palette’s hurting.
And none of that happened.
Everyone is fine. (Sure, the world has lost its mind, but that’s not on me particularly.)
Everything is still moving forward even though I - gasp! - rested.
I’m not nearly as important as I thought I was, which is perhaps the most freeing statement I’ve ever written.
I can rest. I can pause. I can slow down.
While these past months have been a trial, they’ve also been healing. They’ve started healing that part of me that uses busy-ness to feel important, to be liked, to be valued. They reminded me that, even if I’m a snotty mess who can’t talk or take care of my family properly or show up and DO, I am still worthy of love.
As I’m starting to feel better, I’m feeling the pull to get going again, which is a part of who I am, but I’m not going full force. I’ve started implementing some boundaries for myself and am reallllly trying to notice when my shoulders start moving up around my ears and I start holding my breath.
I’ve already said no to being in charge of events at school next year and am going to volunteer for “day of” stuff.
The kids and I are watching “Ugly Betty” together and I’m not allowed to multi-task (they yell very loudly every time I try to fold laundry).
I’m letting myself sleep in as long as I want on the weekends (the advantage of older kids!). I can’t make it past 7, but the intention is there!
We’re not cramming our weekends full. Instead, I’m allowing time for cleaning out the garage, having friends over spontaneously, going to brunch with my husband, whatever comes up.
I’m committing to writing this Substack all summer and that’s it. Usually I map out a summer business plan that would take a team of ten to implement and then beat myself up for not getting it done in between making 37 meals a day. This year, I’m working on pacing myself so I can be present with the kids.
I’m breaking 50 years of over-the-top habits and self-importance so I anticipate the change will be messy. But, it’s gotta be better than my body needing to grind to a halt to get me to listen, am I right?
Question for you!
Are there boundaries you can put in place to slow down and give yourself space this summer? Tell us all in the comments!
Listen, you’re probably already watching it, but on the off-chance Love on the Spectrum has somehow slipped past your radar - WATCH IT IMMEDIATELY.
Think of it like The Great British Bake Off, but for dating. It’s sweet, and real, and just…lovely. I swear my heart grows three sizes every time I watch it and I’m reminded people are inherently good and we all want the same things - love, connection, and someone to come home to.
I know we’re headed into summer and so your brain is all “margaritas on the patio” and “wtf do I do with these kids all day” and you’re not thinking about fall things like pants, but when you find jeans that smooth your lumps, don’t stretch out, and are reasonably priced, it doesn’t matter the season, you shout it from the rooftops: Buy these jeans! Buy these jeans! BUY THESE JEANS!
Yes, All Fours will probably make you feel seen in a way you haven’t in a long time while also making you want to hide under the covers until peri-menopause is over.
Miranda July is an insanely talented writer. She reminded me what creativity used to feel like, before it was all quick takes and easily digestible soundbites. This book requires your full attention, but doesn’t apologize for it because it’s ART.
Um, you probably don’t want to read it on a bus or where anyone can read over your shoulder because it’s definitely…provocative, shall we say? Having said that, the sex stuff is such a minor player.
It’s deeply unsettling in the way the best books are - it makes you think, question, and, honestly, I often hated reading it and am literally reading it now for a second time.
Set up your text thread NOW because you’re gonna need it once you get reading. 😂
Every time I think the Internet has run its course and has nothing else interesting to show me, someone like myemtv comes along and steals hours of my life.
Lots of people try on clothes and make fun of them, but Emily Haswell is so quick and spot on, you can’t stop watching. What Marie Antoinette would play tennis in will lead to a wizard who joined a fraternity, which sends you to a very large 8th grader, and there goes your afternoon.
(I will also be forever grateful to her for curing me of what could have been a very embarrassing bloomer phase this summer…
There’s going to be an afternoon this summer where your kids are driving you nuts and you just know you’re not going to be getting anything done. That’s when you grab Goblies.
Mess! Throwing things at Mom! Throwing things at each other! Laughing and chasing each other!
Goblies are basically water balloons on steroids because they hit like paint balls, but don’t hurt and clean up really easily. Get a couple of packs, and I promise, you’ll thank me right about July 15th…
I think I have figured out what this Substack is about! 🙄 It’s had so many iterations, but each time I get a little bit closer to the answer, which is your sign to KEEP GOING.
Next week, I’m re-launching it as “One Small Thing” with one small shift a week to build a life that lights you up. So fun and dishy, right? Let’s all get in there together and start building joyful lives.
Have a great weekend!!
